What do you WANT to want?

Having been a people manager and Human Resources leader for the better part of 2 decades, I’m well-versed in the steps of goal setting. I have not only taught the ins and outs to hundreds of people, I’ve experienced the power of setting goals for myself.

Yet, there are so many things I have set out to do and didn’t. I wouldn’t say that I failed, I simply stopped aspiring to do them. I recently got curious about why.

Did I lack commitment? Resources? Willpower?

Perhaps in some cases, yes. But I recently heard a simple yet profound idea that might contain more clues about where I’ve fallen short.

I might not have actually wanted the thing I was after. I only wanted to want it.

I have so many examples that fit this idea.

• I want to want to meal prep.

• I want to want to journal every evening.

• I want to want to balance my check book.

• I want to want to become a yoga instructor.

• I want to want to call my family every single week.

• I want to want to schedule and keep date nights every month.

On and on (and on). When I stop and look at each of these, it’s not that they aren’t important to me. Rather, at some level I don’t really want to do what it takes to make it happen.

In our media-focused lives, we are bombarded by images and headlines of what the ideal body, home, career and family look like. So it makes sense that we set throwaway goals that might put us on track to achieve the ultimate goal of the perfect everything.

What if we got really clear about what we actually want, instead?

In a course I took years ago, every time a participant would share a want in a self-defeating way (“I want to get out of debt but I just can’t”), the instructor would simply say, “So what, I want to go to Florida.”

It was a quick shortcut to point out that wanting something makes no difference. And I think WANTING to want something is even worse. We shouldn’t aspire to be, do or have something that doesn’t really inspire us, just for the sake of keeping up with the Jones’s.

Look back on the last few years. What did you set out to achieve but didn’t?

Then ask yourself, “Did I really want that?”

Fast forward to today. What are you pursuing that feels like a struggle? That’s probably a good clue that you might only want to want that thing. Pause, inspect it and if it’s not for you at this time, move on.