We don't need to give it more gas

If you’re a fan of Emily Nagoski, you’ll recognize the reference to brakes and accelerators. Since this post isn’t about intimacy and I need to keep things PG-rated for my professional network, I’ll attempt to use her incredibly helpful dual control model in reference to resilience.

When we’re going through a hard time, too-often our default response is to push forward. We convince ourselves if we try harder, work later, do more things, then everything will turn out. Essentially, we step on the gas pedal of life.

It’s not a stretch to imagine where we end up. Worn out, flying over bumps with little regard for the damage to our bodies, missing important things as we race to the next milestone. If we’re lucky, we stop for a pitstop (aka self-care) to temporarily refuel but the lasting effects are minimal.

If we cross the finish line at all, we are dissatisfied and wonder if the cost was worth the win.

Why? Isn’t going after a goal important? Don’t we want to pursue our passions?

Let’s look more closely at the brakes. These are the hidden things that hold us back. Being over-committed, endless self-doubt, suppressing our true feelings, denying ourselves pleasure, avoiding difficult conversations, not advocating for ourselves.

I know I’m not the only one who’s attempted to drive with an emergency brake fully engaged. (Please, tell me I’m not the only one!)

The past few weeks, my family and I have been navigating grief. I’m happy to report that I’ve allowed myself the space to let off the gas, even foregoing writing this newsletter that I’m so committed to. My clean house is a little less-so, I’ve postponed commitments and prioritized family time.

However, I’m getting curious about the brakes that are holding me back. My physical health, for sure. Several broken systems that make my work less efficient. Less quality sleep. All of these have an outsized negative impact on everything I’m trying to push forward.

Your turn.

Action Idea: Reflect on Past Experiences

• Take some time to reflect on past experiences where you've felt either propelled forward or held back in your personal or professional growth journey.

• Thought-Provoking Questions:

  • What were the specific circumstances or factors that seemed to accelerate your progress?

  • Conversely, what factors or situations acted as brakes, slowing down or hindering your growth?

  • How did you respond to these accelerators and brakes? What strategies did you use to leverage accelerators or overcome brakes?

 Action Idea: Seek Feedback from Others

• Reach out to trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues and ask for their perspective on your accelerators and brakes in personal and professional growth.

• Thought-Provoking Questions:

  • From their observations, what strengths or qualities do they see as driving your progress and resilience?

  • Conversely, what blind spots or areas for improvement do they perceive as potential obstacles to your growth?

  • How can you leverage this feedback to better understand and manage your accelerators and brakes moving forward?

The end goal is to make getting where we want to go easier, more fulfilling and dare I say, pleasurable?

You deserve that.