The Confidence Factor

I didn’t plan on writing about confidence today but I need somewhere to place all of these feelings that are oozing out of me.

No, this isn’t about tooting my own horn or self-promotion. It’s about how much I was reminded this week of the power of confidence. I want that power for you, too.

In order to understand what confidence is and how to leverage it, its helpful to look at what its not.

Confidence is not ego. 

When confidence becomes an overused skill, it’s often confused with ego. In fact, I believe that’s fundamentally why women, in particular, shy away from expressing their confidence. Who wants to be ‘that’ person?

Let’s look at how they differ.

Nature: Confidence is a positive trait reflecting a person's belief in their own abilities, qualities, and judgment. It's rooted in a realistic understanding of one's strengths and weaknesses and is associated with openness to learning and growth. Ego, on the other hand, is often about an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority over others. It can lead to a lack of awareness or denial of one's limitations.

Impact on Others: Confident individuals tend to inspire and uplift those around them. They are often seen as leaders and role models because they encourage others to believe in themselves as well. Ego-driven individuals might push others down to maintain their sense of superiority, leading to negative impacts on teamwork and relationships.

Growth Mindset: Confidence is closely tied to a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn and grow. Confident people are more likely to seek feedback and are open to criticism because they see it as a way to improve. Ego often prevents a person from acknowledging their faults and learning from mistakes, as admitting weakness can be seen as a threat to their self-image.

Response to Failure: How someone reacts to failure can highlight the difference between confidence and ego. A confident person views failure as a temporary setback and a valuable learning experience. They are resilient and ready to try again with a better approach. An ego-driven person might deny failure, blame others, or become discouraged because failure challenges their self-perception.

Security vs. Insecurity: At its core, confidence comes from a place of security. Confident people do not need constant validation from others because their self-worth comes from within. Ego, however, often stems from insecurity. People with a strong ego might seek continuous validation and react negatively to anything that might threaten their self-image.

As you know, when I dive into a topic I like to share how it shows up in my life. This week I had several powerful experiences that left me feeling some version of, “Wow, I kick ass!”

Pause for discomfort. Immediately when I share that with you, I picture you rolling your eyes. I can’t even see you but I imagine you thinking, “who cares?” or “nice to brag” or “get off your high horse.”

These fears are so ingrained that I realize there are less than 5 people in the whole world I go to when I’m feeling on fire. FIVE! (3 of them are minors who live with me.)

Why is this? I’m known for my self-expression but when it comes to sharing my successes, I’m filled with fear. I’m wondering if you are, too?

Here are some dip-your-toes-in-the-water ideas for starting to share your brilliance more freely:

1. Instead of just sharing your win, share what you learned from the experience or how it helped you grow.

2. Show gratitude towards the people and circumstances that helped you achieve your success.

3. Be open about the challenges you faced on your way to success; it makes your achievements more relatable and inspiring.

4. When sharing your success, frame it in a way that offers advice, encouragement, or inspiration to others.

Hopefully that’s what I did here.

Confidence is contagious. Consider the life-giving energy you feel when someone you care about shares something that’s going well vs. the soul-sucking energy that comes with self-doubt.

Don’t we all want a little more life?!

Go ahead, permission to share how amazing you are.