Make Better Choices

Make better choices.

This is the advice I give my kids but haven’t been practicing. Why? Because it’s easier to do what’s familiar, even if it’s not actually working.

But this week, I took different actions, based on a technique I learned that involves interrupting my default thoughts and asking myself a new set of questions.

Say for example I want to spend more time with my kids. Instead of treating this desire as something to be measured, I need to get to the “why” of it. My why is so that they can experience me as a loving, present mom.

So, my son walks in the door and asks me to play soccer with him. My default thought is, “kid, it’s 3:15 in the afternoon and I have a ton of work to do.”

INTERRUPT. (Just stop thinking the thought.)

ASK A “WHY” QUESTION. (What would a ____ person do?)

Asking myself what a loving, present mom would do gives me a whole different way to respond. It goes something like, “Hey buddy, let’s go play for 20 minutes then I have to finish up some work. How does that sound?”

The truth for me (and if you’re a parent, you know), is I would be unlikely to get anything done during that time anyway. But now I have a win/win. He gets my attention, I get to reinforce being a loving, present mom.

Other actions I’ve taken, based on this and other “why's”…

• did an old fashioned collage with my daughter instead of folding the laundry

• logged off early on Friday to get my house in order to free up time over the weekend

• took my kids for a surprise treat date after school instead of rushing home for homework

• stayed up late with my husband to watch a show rather than go to bed “on time”

• made space in my calendar to support 4 amazing people instead of only focusing on “my” projects

• slept an hour later when I was fighting a cold instead of pushing through a half assed workout.

The result? I feel happy. Content. Settled, even. And this is with the madness of the world swirling around me on the personal, family and global level.

All of us have default behaviors that we cling to, often overusing them during difficult times. We work/eat/drink/shop, etc. too much. Then we wonder why things aren’t getting any better.

Try interrupting your thoughts and asking some new questions. I’d love to hear how it goes.